Christmas

Yesterday was "Black Friday," the day when everyone (it seems) goes crazy and hits the shops and malls to find that "sweet" deal on their Christmas gift list.

I have never been much into shopping the day after Thanksgiving, though I know a lot of folks who treat it like a special family day out. My brother's family used to get up at 4 a.m. every year and get in line at Mervyns (a CA retailer, now defunct -- boo hoo! It was one of my favorite all-round stores!) They did it as a family thing, standing in line, finding good deals, getting coffee and donuts. They always said it was so much fun...LOL! I think it really depends on whether or not Dad likes to shop. My brother is a shopper, probably right up there with most ladies I know. He really likes to go to the mall, to walk and window shop, etc.

My DH is not a shopper. He plans his trips with the least amount of stops and shops, and goes in and gets what he needs and then heads home. There is no window shopping, no wasting of time. In fact, my Dad is the same way. My Mom has purchased almost every item of clothing for my Dad over the course of 50 plus years. He doesn't mind. If they don't fit, Mom just takes them back to the store.

I am thinking about this Christmas, and already getting a little down. Christmas is not a happy time for me, it never has been (well, not for many years). I think it has a lot to do with our financial situation and the fact that we have very limited funds to spend. I have always made do with home-made gifts for friends and family, but deep in the recesses of my mind, I do wish I could just splurge and give gifts that matter. You know, there is nothing wrong with a good plate of cookies or pumpkin bread (I am always glad to receive goodies to eat), but sometimes it would be nice to find something special, a gift that matches the recipient, KWIM? I would love to be able to go out shopping and actually find something for each member of my family that has special meaning. Something that matches their specific personality or their special giftedness from God. I long to give gifts that matter.

I know...selfish desires, lots of commercialization and holiday-zation, you might say. I am not sure why it matters so much to me, but perhaps it is because I cannot do it. Perhaps it simply comes down to not being able to give the gift you want to give, and instead giving only what you can. It reminds me of the story of the Widow's Mite. It is a powerful rememberance to us all, to give what we can, when we can, and to remember to whom we are giving it. The Lord wants us to be cheerful givers, to give freely and to share our blessings with others.

Blessings come in all sort of sizes and shapes. They can be monetary, they can be in personal possessions. They can also be gifts from the heart, gifts from the home. They can be sharing one's time, giving friendship and mercy to those who are in greatest need. They can be meeting a specific need (like giving socks and underwear to a Veteran). They can be sharing your giftedness, whether in song or by instrument, to brighten up the hearts of the sad, lonely, and ill (in Nursing homes, hospitals, etc.)

The Lord has graciously bestowed abundants gifts upon us; He has freely given us the greatest gift of all...His precious Son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. We are truly blessed to have life today, to have family and friends, to have a home, and to be able to live for Him. May the true Spirit of Christmas bless you and your family this season. Give as you are able to give and remember to whom you are giving -- it is to honor and praise the One who gave it all for you.

Shalom!

Wake Up!

Today, as I was waking, the Lord said to me: "Wake Up! Get Up!"

This is something I hear occassionally, and usually it means that He has something to tell me. I am not sure why I hear His voice this way, but I do. It is as if I hear a voice that calls to me and directs me to do certain things. I have pondered it over and over again, but I still cannot put my finger on it exactly.

The Psalmist writes that the Lord will direct our steps (also in Proverbs). I wonder sometimes what this means. How does the Lord direct our steps? It sounds sort of plain on the outside...the Lord will direct your steps. Ok, does that mean in a general way, like through the Word? Yes, it does. But, can it also mean personally? I think so. I think it means both -- in general and in specific. The Lord will direct your steps through the reading of His Word. The Lord will also direct your steps personally, guiding you personally, helping you grow personally. This personal aspect of your relationship with the Lord is what enables you to know and understand His specific will for your life.

Generally speaking, the Lord's will serves two purposes. One the one hand, it guides and direct all people and leads them into fellowship with Him. This is done through Grace and by Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Believers are called into relationship, and through Grace, are enabled to remain in that fellowship. The Lord's Will is that none should perish, but due to free will and the power of choice, many will do just that...they will perish without the lifesaving Grace shed for them at the Cross of Calvary.

The second purpose of the Lord's Will is to equip believers to walk in fellowship with Him. This part of His will is general and specific too. On the general side, all of us are called to live a certain way. We are to walk in His commandments, to keep His statutes, to obey Him. This is our faith-walk and is our testimony of relationship with Him. Specifically, God has plans for each one of His children. Some are called into full-time ministry, some are called lay ministry. We are all called into ministry...this is a given. Some are Pastors and teachers. Some are administrators and leaders. Some are helpers. Everyone has a job to do in the Kingdom, not just when we get to heaven, but now while we are here on earth. My job is specific to my giftings. Your job is specific to your giftings. We are all charged with the responsibility to use our gifts in the service and ministry of others. How we do it, how frequently, and with what level of intensity, will be determined by our relationship with the Lord. If our relationship is weak, then we will serve with that strength; if it is strong, then we will serve with that strength.

How does one go about figuring out the Lord's specific will for their life? It is easy and it is hard. I wish it were just a series of simple steps, but the truth of the matter is that it is not that easy. I struggled with knowing the Lord's will for a number of years. I felt a certain way, had a sense that I was to do something specific. I didn't pay a lot of attention to it, but rather allowed it to unfold around me. I think this is how most believers handle the Lord's calling on their life. They don't take a direct, hands on approach. They prefer flashes and bells and whistles, though rarely is this what you get.

Scripture speaks of a "still small voice" as the sound you will often hear; however, we are not sure whether this is really a voice we hear or an impression of something. I think it is both, and I think it really depends on how perceptive you are at the moment of hearing it. Some people will say that the Lord impressed something upon them, brought it to their minds or memory. Some people will say the Lord spoke to them. I think the Lord reaches out to us in various ways, and it really just depends on how willing you are to receive His Word. Do you want to hear the Lord speaking to you? Or are you afraid of His voice? I know I was afraid for a very long time. I wanted some of the Lord, but not all of Him. I wanted to know more about Him, but not more than my comfort zone would allow.

The funny thing is that the Lord doesn't really care about our self-imposed comfort zones. He calls to us and waits for us to respond. We can choose to ignore His voice (I did for a long time), we can choose to ponder over it (I did, again for a long time), and then we can choose to respond (I finally did --what a difference it makes!) The Lord spoke to my heart and mind and helped me understand what His plans were for my life. I know, it may sound really weird (other worldly), but then consider the fact that God lives within neither our time nor our space. He IS all places at the same time. He is with us, around us, always near us. But He is not in our time and space. It is outside our frame of reference, it is not some place we can connect to, like say going to Iowa. We have no way of knowing where He really is, but we know that He IS.

My point in this post is to simply say that the failure to know the Lord's will for your life stems from two major things: one, a neglect of the study of Scripture; and two, an unwillingness to want to know HIS Will. I know this sounds really harsh, but it is the truth. The Lord makes His will clearly known in His Word. If we study the Word with the intention of actually doing it, we will see His Will come up over and over and over again. If we read the Word simply to get something out of it for ourselves (been there, done that), then we often read right over His Will. We simply do not see it.

The second point is the most pernicious, and that is at the root of many people's issue with finding the Lord's Will. If you really want to know His Will for your life, you have to be willing to do His Will for your life. You cannot know it and then decide whether or not you will abide in it. It is all or nothing. If you are game, the Lord will show you the plan. If you are not, then you will struggle to understand the events and circumstances in your life. You might hit on some things that seem "good" but you will still miss the connection. You need the road map, the full set of plans, not just a partial summary of key events.

So, how do you go about learning God's Will for your life? In that, it is simple. First, you must study the Word so that you can understand what is His general will for all His children. Secondly, you must endeavor to do His general will (you must obey it). Third, you must ask to know His will for your life. Fourth, you must accept what He tells you or shows you. Fifth, you must trust that what He has told is true. This last step is the hardest because it requires great faith to trust in what God has told you specifically about your life. You have to believe Him and to do this, you must first really know Him.

Knowing Him takes time. I think this is the situation most Christian's find themselves in daily: they want to know God's Will, but they don't want to know God that intimately. They want His hand in their life, and by that I mean that they want His blessing, His goodness, His help...whatever from His hand. They want the "goodies" that come from God, but they don't necessarily want Him.

To want God means that you desire Him and relationship with Him more than the gifts from His hand. His hand, and the gifts it often carries, is always available to His children. Yet, somehow we only see His hand and that is what we focus on. If we would take our eyes off His hand and look for His face, oh what joys we would find. The Psalmist encourages us to "seek His face" and this is what we are to do. No where are we encouraged to seek His hand. Know this, dear Brother or sister, God's hand is always full of blessing; but it is His face that will open your eyes and melt your heart with sincere love for Him. Your life will be utterly changed once you begin to seek His face regularly. Know Him, want to know Him, and then seeking to know Him is the first step in deeping your relationship and getting to that point where you can learn what His specific will is for your life.

Living in fear

In my counseling session yesterday, which by the way has been really wonderful, I made a breakthrough of sorts. I have blogged previously about my childhood abuse, not sharing too many details, but just to make note of the fact that I suffered emotional and physical abuse during the ages of 11-16. Back in 1998, I went through counseling and really dealt with the trauma of that period in my life. I received wonderful counsel, great advice, and began the healing process. Over the course of years since that time, I have struggled to be healed. That wound, cut so deeply and at such a young age, has lived with me for now on 35+ years. It has been well-covered, kept clean, but has failed to heal completely. I have prayed for healing. I have trusted the Lord for His healing of my heart and mind and body. Yet, somehow that particular wound has never completely healed. That is until today.

Yesterday, my couselor asked me to write down the messages I have been telling myself in regard to that particular episode in my life. Typically, whenever you experience abuse, you justify the experience in some way. This is a normal reaction, a way for the brain to process the trauma, and give you a way out of the emotional turmoil. Unfortunately, many times the messages we feed ourselves are not accurate. This was my case, and because I was so young at the time, I was not equipped to understand why a person would physically abuse another (other than to say "he was mean to me.") It takes an adult, with an adult mindset and experiences, to be able to look into the "whys" behind the experience. Psychology and other helpful tools (Biblical wisdom and advice) give us clues into the whys and wherefores of other people's actions. As a young child, however, the messages tend to be self-directed, rather than appropriately directed at the abuser. A child may come to believe that they deserved being abused; that they were not worth anything so the abuse was justified. If a child doesn't have someone, an adult, to help them understand the experience, they often will continue to tell themselves the same messages throughout the course of their life.

This has been the case with me. I have had a very strong fear of abandonment. This fear stemmed from my experiences as a child. It was not related to being left behind, as one might think, but rather from being abandoned during the abusive attack. As I began to look back on my experience, I realized that my fear stemmed from not being rescued. A child looks to their parent or another authority figure for help, for rescue, for safety. If that help doesn't come, then often they make up excuses as to why the person didn't come. These excuses will belay the truth -- they will undermind the child's understanding of the situation and will keep him or her from being able to move on, to deal with the trauma, and then find rest.

My lack of trust, in general, comes from this persistent fear. I have always been afraid that I would be left on my own to defend myself from personal attack or injury. As a child, this meant that no adult would come to my rescue. I had to "deal" with the attacker (a person bigger and stronger than myself) on my own. Since there was no way to do this, I chose to submit to the attack (in short -- just let it happen and be done with it).

This is not to say that I always submitted willingly -- I did fight back when I could. Most often, though, I was not able to overpower the boys who chose to beat me up. I learned, instead, to just take it.

Over the course of the last 35 years or so, those messages I created to help me deal with these attacks have actually caused me to think faulty thoughts. Even though I have been a Christian for over 30 years, I repeated these "lies" instead of affirming Biblical truth. I think many Christians who have experienced similar things have done the same. The "lies" when repeated enough become truth to you. The only way to be freed from the lies is to hear real TRUTH. As you begin to affirm yourself using Biblical Truth, the "lies" will become exposed to the light of Scripture and they will lose their effectiveness.

This is what has happened to me today. I started the day writing down a listing of these faulty messages. My list looks this way:

• I am not worthy of protecting
• I am overly sensitive, and therefore, am over-reacting to the incident
• I need to learn how to deal with these situations on my own
• No one will protect me, so I will have to protect myself

As I wrote this list down, I became aware of just how ingrained this thinking is in my head. I have always struggled with self-worth, valuation, and most recently have asked the Lord to help me see myself and others from His vantage point. Rather than living as a judgemental person, I wanted to experience God's viewpoint. In doing so, my hope was that I would begin to see people, all people, as God sees them (and by extension, after experiencing His Mercy and Grace, I would willingly share it with others).

My emotional state has always been a sticking point for me. I have been told since childhood that I was overly emotional -- always so sensitive. This is true, for sure, but it is not really the case of being overly emotional; rather of being sensitive to emotions in general. This sensititivity has proven valuable in my Christian walk. I am not only sensitive to the movement of the Holy Spirit, but also to that of the enemy. God has created me to be an emotional person -- there is no shame in being sensitive to Him.

Moreover, I have always felt ashamed at being so emotional, thinking I was on the verge of a breakdown of sorts. In truth, I have been there numerous times. My emotional state was at one time very fragile. I have since learned how to deal with my emotions (not always perfect) and remember not to repress them to the point where I begin to experience that sensation of "blowing up."

Lastly, and probably most importantly, I have struggled with the sense of protecting myself. As a child, the only way to protect yourself from harm is either to run away or fight back. If you can run, run as fast as you can (remember that line from the movie, Forrest Gump? "Run, Forrest, Run!") If you can fight back, then fight back. As an adult, I struggled with the temptation to run whenever I was forced into a difficult situation. I wanted to run away (quit jobs, quit school...generally run from anything too difficult or too emotional to handle). I did it often, and early on in adulthood, created a resume of short-held jobs. Later in life, I came to understand that you cannot always run away. Sometimes you have to stay the course, stick it out, fight for what is right. I have done this as well, whether it was beating up the bully on the playground, or not backing down in a good argument. I have "fought the good fight" in not so nice Biblical terms.

The long and short of it is this...emotional trauma caused by childhood abuse rarely goes away quietly. If not dealt with properly and under supervision of a caring/loving adult, it can fester and become a wound that will not heal (as with me). Even with counseling and appropriate Biblical teaching, it can still take many years to unwrap the wound, allow it to be exposed to the light, and to finally be healed.

The Lord healed me today. I am released from my self-imposed prison of guilty thoughts and unworthy feelings. I am free to be the person He created me to be. I am at long last free from the emotional hurt caused so long ago, yet so freshly remembered.

Dear sister or brother,

Have you experienced abuse in your life? Has someone hurt or wounded you so deeply that you cannot understand or grasp it? If so, know this...the only person who will not hurt you nor will He ever leave you behind is the Lord Jesus Christ. Trust Him to help you understand the hurt, to deal with the emotions, and to be healed from the wounding you have suffered. He knows your pain, He knows your hurt, and He is acquainted with your sorrow. Turn to Him and let Him touch your heart, your mind, and soul today.

The Power of Forgiveness

Today was a powerful reminder of just how cleansing it is to be forgiven. Forgiveness, whether it is from the hand of God, or delivered by Him through the hand of another human being, is powerful and liberating. There is nothing like being set free -- free from the guilt of action, guilt of thought or guilt of word. There is nothing like knowing that the one you have harmed, has in humility, chosen to forgive you. This freedom comes from someplace within the heart, someplace where the Spirit of God rests and where He alone is able to suspend the pain and sorrow for a brief moment -- and in considering the other person He allows amends to be made.

I have been working through some pretty rough issues lately. Some of these deal with my marriage, and some deal with me personally. In truth, they all deal with me since they are part of me and part of the life I share with other people. Yet, we tend to compartmentalize things in an effort to keep us from feeling guilty. I take responsibility for my actions, and I expect you to take responsibility for yours. My part ends here....your part begins there, kwim? This is actually what counselors call proper boundary setting -- knowing where you end and where another person begins. It is good to have boundaries, to know limits, etc. However, in God's eye often there is no clear cut boundary line. This is especially true in relationships. Nothing in relationship can really be compartmentalized that way. Feelings are shared; emotions are given and received. The lines get blurred (as they should) and relationships are created. Keeping strict boundaries, while helpful in certain kinds of relationships, is not always beneficial in growing and maturing relationships. At least, that is my understanding of this Biblical principal.

There are far too many Scriptures that speak of "bearing another's burden" and "forgiving seven times seventy". Yes, boundaries are used with disciplining a wayward brother, but generally speaking, the Lord seeks Unity and not hard lines of division.

As I have experienced forgiveness, I have come to learn the nature of it. God's forgiveness is limitless. He forgives and forgives and forgives. Man's forgiveness is spotty, even when motivated by a sincere heart. Often it is said "there is just too much water under that bridge," meaning of course, that the damage is done and there is no hope of repair. In God's economy, it is not over until He says it is over. As long as you are willing to forgive, He will forgive (actually all forgiveness is prompted by Him, but you get the point). The Word is clear that we must be willing to forgive to enable forgiveness from our Father. I think the writer means that once we become a Christian...our forgiveness is to be an expression of His forgiveness. If we won't forgive another brother, then we shouldn't expect God to forgive us. I do not believe this is conditional on Salvation -- only on walking after we are saved.

I found this 12-Steps listing online and thought I would post it here:

• Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over our behavior and that our lives had become unmanageable due to it
• Step 2 - We came to believe that only God could restore us to sanity
• Step 3 - We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God
• Step 4 - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves
• Step 5 - We admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (behaviors, attitudes and/or actions)
• Step 6 - We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
• Step 7 - We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings
• Step 8 - We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all
• Step 9 - We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
• Step 10 - We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it
• Step 11 - We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our relationship with God, praying for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry it out
• Step 12 - After having a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other people who were suffering similarily, and endeavored to practice these principles in all our affairs over the course of our lives

Note: edited by me

Though these 12-Steps were originally created by Alcoholics Anonymous back in the 1930's, their premise actually is Biblical based. Over the years, they have changed the focus from God to a "higher power" and then added, "as we understand God" so as not to be specific to Christianity. I cut them some slack for doing that, understanding that addictive behavior and other dsyfunctional behavior is not limited to Christian people.

As I read through these steps this morning, I took a mental inventory and realized that I had actually worked through them on my own these past couple months. Not really putting them into this form, I did still process the issues in my life in a similar way. As I worked through the steps, I became more aware of my own failings and shortcomings. I also became more reasonable in understanding other people, people closest to me, and to recognize how my behavior may have influenced their reactions and their actions.

One of the things the Lord has pressed upon me is the idea that communication is never a one-way process. It is always two-way: a sender and a receiver. If a person is only communicating one-way, they are simply sending out messages without any sense of receipt. What a lonely idea, to be trying to communicate but not expecting any response in return. Rarely is this the case with human beings. In almost all situations, we are communicating correctly (sending/receiving). The fault typically lays with the message itself, not the method. Some clinicans focus on the method (teaching you how to be a more effective communicator, more assertive, less demanding, etc.) In my experience, the problem almost always lays with the message itself, and then with the "coding" used.

It is like in the old days when messages were sent in Morse Code. The only people who understood the message were the sender and the receiver because they were the ones using the same code. They understood the "dits and the dahs" and could transcribe the message accurately. The recipient, no matter how hard they tried to read the message, couldn't if the message only contained the "code". However, once the code was translated back into English, the recipient could read and understand the important message.

We do the exact same thing whenever we speak with another person. We often 'encode' our words and send mixed messages. Part of the message is in English and part is encoded. We need to learn not to speak in code, but to speak in clear English so that our words will have understood meaning (meaning that the message is clearly conveyed so it CAN be understood).

As I finish this post, I am reminded of the 12-Steps and how the last step is a challenge to the addict: to continue to live by the steps all the days of their lives. The steps changed the person, helped them turn to God and to acknowledge their behavior and addiction. Now that they are healed, they must continue to practice these steps, always keeping them in front and in remembrance so that they will not fall back into old behaviors.

The same is true with God's forgiveness. Once we are forgiven, we must never forget that He has forgiven us. By doing so, we are apt to fall back into old patterns and behaviors. We are to walk forward, with a clean heart and mind and a clear conscience, knowing that we are forgiven. In doing so, we will be able to continue to move away from the destructive patterns and habits of the past, and live in the present. We will build new and healthy relationships, founded on the changed life we've experienced.

I close with this thought:

Dear Brother or sister,

Do you need forgiveness today? Have you experienced an addiction or are enslaved to behaviors or habits that are controlling and destroying your life? If so, follow the 12-Steps above and turn to God. Only He can restore you and only He can show you a way out. Consider your life and what it is worth now. Then consider what it is worth to God. He chose to save you, despite of your sinfulness and your present condition. He went to the cross and took your sin upon His Sinless and Spotless body. He paid your price. He suffered and died in your place. God is ready to forgive you and wants to give you new life. You must turn to Him and place your trust in His Son, Jesus. Do it now and begin a life of freedom. I guarantee it -- you will not regret this decision. It will change your life, free you from your addiction, and heal your broken relationships. Only God can save you, and only He can heal you. Trust Him.

Patience

Patience. It is something we all need, and something most of us would admit we sorely lack.

I greatly need patience for I am an impatient person. I want things to happen now; I don't like to wait. I want my life to be better now; the car to be fixed now; the house to be cleaned now. You get the picture...NOW is a big part of my vocabulary.

The past Sunday, our new pastor (we are now attending my parents church) taught on chapter 7 of the Book of John. It was very interesting, and I learned a good lesson in patience. The story is familiar -- Jesus and his brothers (half) are discussing time and timing. At the beginning of the chapter, his brothers goad Jesus into going up to celebrate the Feast of Booths in Jerusalem. He tells them that the "time" is not right for him to go, and that they are to go on ahead of him. At first reading, it appears to be straightforward. They want to go (every good Jew would go up for 7-10 days of partying to celebrate Israel's coming out of Egypt and through the wilderness and into the Promise Land), and wonder why Jesus is not going with them. On deeper review, it is clear that at this point in Jesus' ministry, his half-brothers didn't believe that he was the Son of God. They didn't believe he was God. They wanted him to go up to show off his skill at miracles, to perhaps begin to establish the earthly kingdom the Jews longed for and believed was coming (Messiah was coming to kick Rome out and take over Israel and rule it on it's own again).

Jesus explains that his time is not yet; in short, that the "timing" of his going up to Jerusalem was not right. Our pastor explained that in the Greek there are two words that denote time: chronos and kairos. Chronos speaks of chronological time, like that of a clock. It is today, tomorrow, the next day. It is now, fifteen minutes from now, an hour from now, etc. Kairos speaks of timing, or rather the proper time when something occurs (not a specific hour necessarily). It is all about perfect planning and perfect executing of an action -- at the right time.

The kairos is how God works -- in His time. It is not so much matched to the clock as it is to God's perfect will.

This is the timing that I struggle with most. I want things to happen at a specific time -- chronos; and while I understand God's timing (kairos) is perfect, I would just prefer it to come to pass NOW. I want God's timing to happen chronologically, right now, or at some planned time (chronos) in the future. I don't want to wait for His perfect Kairos.

The key thing is that God's timing is always perfect. His will is perfect and the plans He has for the world, for our Lord's return, for our days, etc. are perfectly set in kairos. We can try and put chronological times to His work, but ultimately we will not know their passing until they pass. This is God's time. This is how the universe works.

The Word speaks of it this way: one day is like a thousand years to the Lord. Yes, one chronological day (24 hours) is like 1,000 years in the Lord's timing (kairos).

When we become impatient while waiting for the Lord to deliver us, we need to remember that kairos will be when the Lord determines it to be so. Until then, there is little we can do but wait for the Lord. We can get upset, we can get unnerved, we can become depressed or angry...but, until the Lord's timing is ready, the thing, whatever it may be, will not come to pass.

Patience, therefore, is learning to wait upon the Lord. The Psalmist said it this way:

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;

do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalms 37:7

I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

Psalms 40:1

The Lord does not tarry; He is not slow. His timing is perfect. His will is perfect. The plans He has for your life and mine -- they will come to pass--in His perfect timing.

Be patient, brother or sister, and wait upon the Lord. He will deliver you from whatever bondage you are in, from whatever circumstance you face, from whatever trial you are tested. Be patient and wait upon the Lord. He will come, He will answer your cry.

Learning to Perseverve

Ouch! I woke up this morning with a sinus headache. This after being jumped and pounced on for about an hour by my two youngest cats. They seem to PREFER to pounce on me sometime between 6 and 7 am each morning. The routine is always the same -- it begins with jumping from the bed to the dresser, and then ends with mad dash chases that include running through the house, jumping and landing on the bed (and me) and then leaping into the air and on over to the dresser (under the window). This has been the pattern of their lives (and mine) for about nine months. I have about had it, kwim?

The lack of sleep, usually at the end of my REM cycle is taking it's toll on me. I have tried to keep the cats out of the bedroom, but then they cry and claw at the door to get in. My poor carpet (which was already pretty poorly), is shredded right under the door due to other attempts at keeping them OUT.

The worst part is that fact that Gus, my beige tabby, is half-neutered. He was neutered as a kitten, but only one testicle was found. They did "some limited" exploration. This exploration left me with a half-neutered male cat (with two incisions -- one that refused to stay closed). UGH! It wasn't really an issue for us (we were supposed to take him to the special cat hospital down in Tempe, but the thought of spending $1-2K on further surgery, well, it was just not feasible for us), in the beginning. He healed. He was OK. But sometime last year, he matured, and that testicle, wherever it is, started to do it's thing, and now I have a cat that pees in the house (on the sofa and my bed) regularly.

The combination of the peeing and the jumping is getting the worst of me. I am the type of person who needs regular sleep. I lived as a child with sleep deprivation (for about two years) and suffered for years afterwards with sleep issues. It has taken me years to recover from that period in my life. I covet (if it is OK to covet anything, I covet sleep) my nighttime hours. I literally cannot function without a good nights sleep.

This morning, in addition to the usual tactics by the cats, Gus decided to pee on my pillow...right while I was using it. Nice guy.

I know, you are saying "he is just a cat...put him outside. Or get rid of him." Yep, thought about that, both of those options. First, we live in the desert so it is dangerous for cats to be kept outside. Secondly, we live on a busy street and every cat (stray) that has crossed it, has died in the middle. Thirdly, my son is attached to the cat. Right now, with the peeing and such, I cannot see giving Gus away (and knowing that no one will take him, so in short, he would be "put down.")

As I stumbled out of bed, wet pillow in hand, and made my way to the kitchen, I couldn't help cry out to the Lord: "why?" "Lord, why is this happening NOW?" My DH and I are working very hard at repairing our relationship. DH is working very hard at building his business in effort to make some extra money so we can repair some house things and possibly get a second car (for me). I am working very hard at home schooling (I school an 11th grader -- not an easy task). I am caring for my parents and parents-in-law. My plate is awfully full right now, and while this may seem to be such a minor thing, in the scope of EVERYTHING, it is the 'stick that breaks the camel's back.'

It always seems to be a little thing, a small annoyance that pushes you over the edge. You can balance life, then wham, a little pebble trips you up, and everything comes crashing down. That is where I am right now. I am stumbling, not due to the heaviness of the items I am carrying, but to little stones and pebbles strewn in my path by Satan and the world.

James tells us:

Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4 AMP

Yep, that is what is happening right now in my life. My faith is being tested (tried and proved) and I am being made perfect and fully developed so that I will lack nothing. What a goodly thing for the Lord to do? It doesn't seem good when I wake up with pee on my head, but the patience and steadfastness is bringing forth endurance. I may not need endurance today, but I could need it tomorrow. It is a good thing to be well-stocked when it comes to these characteristics. In a severe trial, how much do we require patience or steadfastness or endurance? Oh my, yes! The testing of our faith now, even with little stones and pebbles, is preparing us for future circumstances and situations where we will need a well-stocked warehouse of character.

God knows that I don't like getting peed on in the morning, nor being used as a trampoline. Granted, some of this is my fault (I did actually adopt these kittens -- with DH and DS' approval of course); but some of this is just the way it is. Cats are creatures and they behave as they were created. They pounce; they jump; they attack; and they pee. They do it instinctually so to be angry at them is futile. They are just doing what comes to them naturally. It is the "nature of the beast."

My reaction to all this stress, is different. It can come from the "nature of the beast" as well, but that is not where I am at anymore. I am no longer that "natural creature." The Word says I am a "new creature in Christ Jesus;" therefore, I am new and not old, and I am to behave like the new person now. That means that I must be patient when I encounter various trials and temptations. I must suffer for a while and learn to endure trials. Not every trial can be commanded away (some oppression can be fought with the Sword of the Spirit). Sometimes trials come into our lives for a season and we must allow them to do their perfect work. Sometimes we do have the power (of the Holy Spirit) to cry out to the Lord and ask for deliverance. Sometimes the Lord delivers us right away; but sometimes He allows us to linger, so that His Perfect Work may be completed in us.

God desires that we lack nothing, that we be fully prepared for His Kingdom, and that we be ready on the day He calls us to come home. And, though I don't like this present trial, I must endure it for the sake of my Savior, who endured far more than I will ever, and for a far better reason: to save our souls and make a way for us to be reconciled to the Father. Praise be to Jesus for His Work and that He Endured and Finished what He came here to do.

God really is so very GOOD to me.

Sowing What You Reap

I am reading the book, "Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life" by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend (0025986247454). I have read this book before (about 10 years ago), and then re-read it a few weeks ago as part of my homework for marriage counseling.

Boundaries is a great book (and series on DVD). It was written to help people learn how to take control of their own life (Biblical self-control) and then learn how to live in healthy relationships with others. I have found the principals in the book to be foundational and life-changing. Not all relationships are out of balance, and the book does tend to deal with situations that are more challenging. Still, the underlying instruction is beneficial for any relationship, whether parent-child or husband-wife or sibling-sibling or friend-friend.

In it's simplest form, Boundaries teaches individuals how to take responsibility for themselves, and then how to choose behavior that is healthy and motivated towards relationship-building.

Today, while reading through my home school group lists (at Yahoo), a parent posted a plea for help in dealing with a specific child-child relationship problem. The scenario is all too common -- one child not liking the other. Most of us (especially as parents) have dealt with this at one time or another in their life. Some of us may have experienced this same thing as a child (either being the abuser or the victim). No matter what the situation or when it occurred, we all can take sympathy at the hurt caused by this type of behavior.

The parent who posted the email was seeking advice on what to do and what to say to their child (the victim of another child's hatred). The post prompted me to write back, offering some suggestions on what to do, what to say, etc. After submitting it, I started thinking about Boundaries, and well, here I am posting about it on this blog!

In Boundaries, this type of behavior is clearly defined as unwanted, unhealthy, and detrimental to the formation of healthy relationship. As parents we would say it is just "plain not nice!" The principal behind how to deal with this type of behavior is really two-fold. The first is the Law of Sowing and Reaping and the second is the Law of Responsibility.

In the Law of Sowing and Reaping, we learn that any behavior (words, actions or deeds) sown will reap a reward. It is the process of sowing seed -- if you sow wheat, you should expect to reap wheat. The same is true with behaviors such as hatred towards another person. If you sow discord (strife, conflict, hatred), you will reap the same. If you sow kindness, love, charity...you can expect to reap the same type of seed.

The second Law focuses on responsibility and this is really the crux of this problem. The child who is sowing hatred and discord, will certain reap that reward. However, the parent who is trying to protect and care for their hurting child is breaking the Law of Responsibility. Let me explain.

In Boundaries, you are only responsible for your self, or your own actions (thoughts, words and deeds). Yes, as parents we are responsible for our children's welfare...but that is not what is at play here. It is personal heart motivation or self that is front and center. You cannot control your child's thoughts -- you would certainly agree with this? Therefore, you cannot control your child's behavior any better? You can discipline and correct unwanted behavior, but we all recognize that the motivator for good behavior is a heart turned towards God and an understanding of His Perfect Law. Therefore, a parent who feels devastated by such an unpleasant experience as one child hating another, can really do nothing to change the situation. They cannot change the child's behavior nor can they influence the child to stop behaving in a certain way. It is the Law of Responsibility. The child, just like the parent (and the child's parent) is responsible to self. They reap the behavior they sow. They are responsible to act respectfully of their friends, and if they choose not to do so, then that is their choice.

The difficulty comes into play when we begin to take responsibility for other people's choices in behavior or words or thoughts or actions. We step over the lines of the boundary and say "I will help you with X" when we are completely incapable of helping them at all. The only One who can help a person in such a way is the Lord. We can pray, of course, and we can choose to remain friends, in the hope that the Lord will convict and turn the heart of the other person. Or, we can choose to walk away and deny friendship because we believe the person is not willing nor ready to change.

The biggest problem we face is knowing when to do one or the other: stay or walk away. Often, we continue in unhealthy relationships long after we should simply because we don't want to walk away from a "friend." No matter how badly that friend treats us or others, we stay beside them. Boundaries and other 12-Step Programs call this type of "standing by" co-dependency. We actually enable to person to continue their unwanted behavior simply because we are afraid of losing their friendship (which is a big lie -- because the person is certainly not acting like a friend).

When, then is it appropriate to walk away from another person? It is appropriate to walk away whenever their behavior threatens our personal security or causes us great stress or strain. Keep in mind that walking away doesn't mean always forever. Often, it is a temporary situation, just long enough for the other person to realize the relationship is gone. If the other person sees the loss of relationship and turns around (repents, changes their behavior and begins to walk correctly), you can restore them back as friend. This is the way the Bible encourages us to set healthy boundaries. If a brother or sister sins and refuses to repent, then we are given Biblical counsel to "step away" from them. If they repent and change their behavior, we are called to restore them.

In personal life, the same is true. If we are in a relationship whereby one person is not respecting another, we can choose to step aside. We can do it with confidence, knowing that we are not being mean or punitive. We are exercising Biblical discipline through our actions.

In the case of this parent, the proper course of action is to let their child know that they were not at fault, and then explain that the other child's behavior is unwanted. The parent may choose to confront the other parent and explain why they can no longer have relationship with one another. The other parent may be unhappy with the conversation...but that is the Law of Responsibility and Sowing and Reaping in action. The parent (the other one) has a responsibility to train up their child in proper behavior. They have failed to do so and have allowed seeds of discord and hatred to be sown. More than likely, these seeds are being scattered throughout the family -- so the parent is not really ignorant of the truth (even if they protest that it is so). If the child (the other child) repents and changes his/her behavior, the relationship may continue or it may not. Remember, that we can all choose whom to befriend. We do not have to take every friend that comes down the pike, simply because they want to be our friend. Biblical wisdom and discernment are necessary to determine whether or not a friend is really a friend. The Bible often warns us against "wolves in sheep's clothing" so it is OK to be choosey when it comes to friendship.

Lastly, this whole point comes down to understanding that we cannot change another person, no matter how much we want to do so. We cannot take responsibility for another person's bad behavior. We can limit our exposure to it, that is for certain, but ultimately we must acknowledge that only God knows the "heart and mind" of man. Only the Lord knows what is going on inside another person, and we are best to leave the psychology to Him.